A Cure For What Ails You
There have been many instances of “miracle cures” throughout the ages. So-called “Medicine Men” in the 19th and early 20th centuries (this is a guess but it sounds about right) would peddle “snake oil”, purporting to be some form of cure-all medicine. According to sixties pop group Scaffold, a young lady by the name of “Lily the Pink” invented a medicinal compound capable of curing all forms of ills. The Simpsons episode “The Front” saw Bart writing the words “I will not sell miracle cures” on the blackboard at the beginning of the show.
I’ve discovered a new cure! It’s a cure for “feeling a bit down”.
Note the words “a bit down”. This isn’t a cure for actual (clinical) depression. If you think you’re suffering from that, go see your doctor without delay, as it’s a nasty thing to suffer from and it’s usually treatable to some extent.
No, this is a cure for when you’re getting a case of the “why me’s”. Maybe one big thing has gone wrong in your life, or lots of little things at once.
A necessary digression is called for at this point. Soap Operas. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re everywhere. I’ve not seen many soaps outside of the UK, but from the ones I’ve seen, US soaps seem to involve rich glitzy people living amazing lives. Australian soaps feature real people, ups and downs, some dangerous situations and a hell of a lot of barbecues. UK soaps feature real-life gritty people living really depressing lives.
OK, now we’ve got that sorted, back to the cure. My cure works a bit like the jabs you get when you’re little, where they give you a tiny amount of a disease and that prompts your body to produce antibodies, ready for the real thing (I think that’s how it works but I’m waaaaaay too lazy to look it up).
So are you ready for my cure for “feeling a bit down”? Here it comes…
Watch a British soap opera!
Every bad thing that could ever happen, happens in quick succession to these people. They’re the unluckiest people in the world. Here’s an example.
One chappie considers himself a successful businessman. He’s been married several times. One of his ex-wives hired a contract killer to knock him off. He went bankrupt, but pulled himself back up. Now for his recent history – he meets an old flame. They decide to get married. She’s in love with money, so he spends and spends until he’s on the verge of bankruptcy again. His relationship with his daughter suffers because of this. His fiancée runs off just before the wedding. He finds out that his little brother accidentally murdered the neighbour by whacking her over the head with a picture frame. He has a breakdown and is last seen wandering down the middle of the road in his jimmi-jams. He’s later found living under a bridge sporting a huge beard and holding up his trousers with a piece of rope.
Blimey. I mean, that’s pretty bad. It kind of puts my slightly leaky car and lack of life direction into perspective. I feel so much better already! No matter what’s happening in my life, it’s nothing compared to the goings-on in my favourite soaps. I’m cured of my “feeling a bit down” situation. Hooray! I’ve been exposed to so many depressing episodes of soap operas, I’ve become immune!